I must look hungry

Because people have been giving me food. Yesterday Larz! gave us a loaf of yummy yummy pumpkin bread (seems they have lots of frozen pumpkin guts, because they used a bunch of pumpkin juice last fall to make beer...) and today my new intern (who I think I'm becoming friends with) gave me a bell jar of homemade cauliflower soup. The soup and bread were both very good - and far superior to anything we make at home. She lives in a yurt, with no phone and no water, and yet *she* cooked me food?!

At any rate, I can't look that hungry, because I just hauled out my field pants (going to Augustine Island on Monday!) and tried them on. They don't fit. :( :( I'm so sad about this. A) I'm still 5 lbs heavier than I used to be, and 15 lbs heavier than I want to be. B) New Carhartts are expensive C) New Carhartts look dorky. But I guess that'll be me, wandering around Big Ray's tomorrow, looking for a new pair. I hope they make 30-inch lengths in every waistband size and not just the smaller ones!

I've been reading a fairly good book. In the Christian fantasy genre - and not quite as good as Lawhead (or Tolkien, but that goes without saying), but not too bad, either. It's called Light of Eidon.

Our garage has insulation and vapor barrier. Really, we're almost done! Just furring, electrical, and sheetrock to go.

We haven't heard from W at all. I heard his voice the other day, because I was on the phone, talking to my boss, and he walked into my boss's office and talked with him. I don't think that really counts.

My Mom is coming to visit while I'm away. I know she hopes to see W. I'm praying that she gets to - that they can start healing, somehow. But I guess I have a sinky sort of feeling that W isn't anywhere near that right now.

No W

Big surprise - 1.5 hours before dinner, he emails and says he "won't be there tonight."

I feel all crushed and sad. I'm sad, Bonnie's sad, my Mom is very very sad, and so is my Dad. It's all not-fixable. Just cry-able.

We invited him

So, we called W last night, he answered his phone, and we invited him and gf to dinner. He sounded like he was interested, but said he had to confer with gf and he'd get back to us. Well....no surprise, he hasn't gotten back to us. :(

I knew when we called him that there was a very slim chance he'd come over. But I'm still sad to watch it happen (or, um, not happen, y'know?).

The good news is that it's Friday, and the forecast for the weekend looks great. Got berry picking with friends lined up, possibly canoeing as a family, and maybe (can I hope?) we'll get our act together to go try out 1st Prez here in town.

Better?

So, I packed up three action packers and sent them off to the field area ahead of me. I packed things tightly, for their truck rides and sling landing, and waterproofly, for their barge time. Should be good.

My brother turned down offers of help with errands and water hauling (he lives in a cabin w/out water). Not much other communication from him. I'm really struggling - I'd like to see him soooo much, and I think this thing between him and my parents is awful, but the ball is *really* in his court, and he doesn't care.
I'd like to invite him out to dinner. I think he wouldn't come unless we invited his gf, too, though. And I'm not sure how I feel about that. I strongly feel that she is harming him - and yet, that's really his call, isn't it? I think we'll invite both of them, expect that he'll say no, and be very happily surprised if he/they accept. It would be good to see him again.

B is growing! More than an inch in the last month. No wonder she wakes up hungry in the middle of the night.

Recently watched "Seducing Dr. Lewis" which was truly funny, despite us not speaking French so we had to read the subtitles.

Still haven't found a new church. :(
And, as I'm leaving for Augustine soon, probably won't until mid-August, at the earliest.

Lots of visitors

Well, in-laws have left. It felt like a long visit. I was really happy that B got to get to know her grandparents a little, and it was good for dh to see them. And yeah, sometimes I even enjoyed talking with them. But there were plenty of trying times. And it was *a lot a lot a lot* of work. Yes, they were all building the garage. But I was trying to keep a two year old happy when *she* thought that the best place to be was right in the thick of all the construction. She wanted to climb ladders, hang out under where they were moving big boards, run around holding onto nails, and other scary things. They got a ton of work done, and we're very thankful.

My Dad is here. He showed up last night, but we didn't know it until today. He came to take the car he owns away from my brother. I'm still praying a lot for my brother, and I think things are going to have to get worse before they get better. The girlfriend is back from PA, and neither of them are talking to *anyone*. I'm really, really, really over my head. And I see that parents are hurting. :( Today, my brother ignored Bonnie, and it broke her heart.

Work is stressful again. I think it's going to stay that way until after Augustine. And I keep leaving work for family reasons. Erp.

Today is better!

I figured out the snangles at work.

I'm trying to become more comfortable with the idea that the garage will take longer and cost much more $ than we planned (or have), and that yes, it *is* D's fault, but since there isn't anything we can do now it's useless to be angry all the time.

B had a lot less gunk in her eyes this morning. I have her cold now (stuffy nose, sore throat, tired - but that's really okay.)

And the really big thing that is going better: My brother will come over for dinner! I will get to see him. I don't plan on "talking" to him about anything. I just want to *see* him, if that makes any sense. His gf went on a plane home this morning. I am praying and praying and praying that she can heal and find help at home, from her family and familiar doctors. Am also praying that this time gives my brother a little break, so he can rest and make out a plan about school, finances, etc.

Too much stress

All I do here is whine. I guess I feel like this is a place where I can do it without really impacting other people.

1) The garage building. I was really mad at dh for not ordering trusses a month and a half ago when I begged him to do it. He kept saying "Oh, they can build them in a week. We don't need to order them yet." He waited until 1.5 weeks before we needed them, and , of course, was told that they'd take 3-4 weeks. Sooooo...he said "Well, Steve will be here, and we'll just stick frame the roof." Now there's huge pressure to get the rafters up before Steve leaves, because no one working on the project has ever stick-framed anything before! Steve leaves 6 am Monday. Today was supposed to be collar-tie day, BUT the wood company sent over bad wood - wood that had been rejected from another job. So, waiting for new wood means no collar ties today. Means the roof gets pushed farther and farther back. I would like for Duncan's parents to not have to do the garage for 8-10 hours day everyday while they are here, but that is what is happening. No lake, no canoe, no 4th of July celebration (well, a potluck last night, but nothing else), no just goof-off time. It's all garage-garage-garage.

He just called me up with "Because we can't do the roof, we're working on flashing. But L came back with aluminum flashing instead of white. (the house is white). Can we use that instead? Do you think we could paint it?" I said "How would *I* know if you could paint it? Are you asking if I like the idea of aluminum flashing? NO! I don't. Am I still mad about the roof issues? YES, I am."

2) Speaking of garage-garage-garage, I was tired when they got here. My brother's problems are overwhelming. And work is hectic. After 4 days of garage + kiddo watching, I'm really tired. I tried to ask Duncan for a job to do the other day, when B was sleeping (because I'm not a carpenter! I really don't know how to do much!), and, do you know what he said to me? "Well, L (his mom) doesn't have a job assigned to her but she finds things to do just fine."

I'm tired of feeling like I always have to be working, because *they're* always working. Tired of feeling like I don't measure up, even though there is so much more going on right now than they are really aware of.

3) Did I say my brother's life is overwhelming. It is. I'm very concerned for him, and spending lots of time in prayer.

4) B has had a cold for the last week. And now she's got puffy, goopy eyes. Dr visit, coming up, I think. :(