Tea, Chocolate, Work, Daughter

2007-03-14T22:51:00.000-07:00

2006-10-20T12:38:00.000-07:00

Elmo rant

2006-09-26T22:07:00.000-07:00

So, a friend loaned me an Elmo video for my 2 yo old. Thought it might help us on our upcoming x-country plane trip. So, I thought I'd show it to her ahead of time, and make sure she liked it before lugging it with us. (Bear in the Big Blue House scares her.)

The first Elmo video she's ever seen. She loved it. Daycare has an Elmo doll, and Elmo books, and an Elmo CD, so she's firmly latched on to the character.

And I think I'm going to let her watch it on the plane, and then ban Elmo from the house. Because when Elmo wants to learn more about something, he **TURNS ON THE TV** I am deeply distressed by this. B currently watches *NO* TV, but I think a few more repetitions of Elmo would cause this household much grief.

I must look hungry

2006-07-26T22:20:00.000-07:00

Because people have been giving me food. Yesterday Larz! gave us a loaf of yummy yummy pumpkin bread (seems they have lots of frozen pumpkin guts, because they used a bunch of pumpkin juice last fall to make beer...) and today my new intern (who I think I'm becoming friends with) gave me a bell jar of homemade cauliflower soup. The soup and bread were both very good - and far superior to anything we make at home. She lives in a yurt, with no phone and no water, and yet *she* cooked me food?!

At any rate, I can't look that hungry, because I just hauled out my field pants (going to Augustine Island on Monday!) and tried them on. They don't fit. :( :( I'm so sad about this. A) I'm still 5 lbs heavier than I used to be, and 15 lbs heavier than I want to be. B) New Carhartts are expensive C) New Carhartts look dorky. But I guess that'll be me, wandering around Big Ray's tomorrow, looking for a new pair. I hope they make 30-inch lengths in every waistband size and not just the smaller ones!

I've been reading a fairly good book. In the Christian fantasy genre - and not quite as good as Lawhead (or Tolkien, but that goes without saying), but not too bad, either. It's called Light of Eidon.

Our garage has insulation and vapor barrier. Really, we're almost done! Just furring, electrical, and sheetrock to go.

We haven't heard from W at all. I heard his voice the other day, because I was on the phone, talking to my boss, and he walked into my boss's office and talked with him. I don't think that really counts.

My Mom is coming to visit while I'm away. I know she hopes to see W. I'm praying that she gets to - that they can start healing, somehow. But I guess I have a sinky sort of feeling that W isn't anywhere near that right now.

No W

2006-07-21T16:29:00.000-07:00

Big surprise - 1.5 hours before dinner, he emails and says he "won't be there tonight."

I feel all crushed and sad. I'm sad, Bonnie's sad, my Mom is very very sad, and so is my Dad. It's all not-fixable. Just cry-able.

We invited him

2006-07-21T12:47:00.000-07:00

So, we called W last night, he answered his phone, and we invited him and gf to dinner. He sounded like he was interested, but said he had to confer with gf and he'd get back to us. Well....no surprise, he hasn't gotten back to us. :(

I knew when we called him that there was a very slim chance he'd come over. But I'm still sad to watch it happen (or, um, not happen, y'know?).

The good news is that it's Friday, and the forecast for the weekend looks great. Got berry picking with friends lined up, possibly canoeing as a family, and maybe (can I hope?) we'll get our act together to go try out 1st Prez here in town.

Better?

2006-07-20T17:11:00.000-07:00

So, I packed up three action packers and sent them off to the field area ahead of me. I packed things tightly, for their truck rides and sling landing, and waterproofly, for their barge time. Should be good.

My brother turned down offers of help with errands and water hauling (he lives in a cabin w/out water). Not much other communication from him. I'm really struggling - I'd like to see him soooo much, and I think this thing between him and my parents is awful, but the ball is *really* in his court, and he doesn't care.
I'd like to invite him out to dinner. I think he wouldn't come unless we invited his gf, too, though. And I'm not sure how I feel about that. I strongly feel that she is harming him - and yet, that's really his call, isn't it? I think we'll invite both of them, expect that he'll say no, and be very happily surprised if he/they accept. It would be good to see him again.

B is growing! More than an inch in the last month. No wonder she wakes up hungry in the middle of the night.

Recently watched "Seducing Dr. Lewis" which was truly funny, despite us not speaking French so we had to read the subtitles.

Still haven't found a new church. :(
And, as I'm leaving for Augustine soon, probably won't until mid-August, at the earliest.

Lots of visitors

2006-07-11T23:43:00.000-07:00

Well, in-laws have left. It felt like a long visit. I was really happy that B got to get to know her grandparents a little, and it was good for dh to see them. And yeah, sometimes I even enjoyed talking with them. But there were plenty of trying times. And it was *a lot a lot a lot* of work. Yes, they were all building the garage. But I was trying to keep a two year old happy when *she* thought that the best place to be was right in the thick of all the construction. She wanted to climb ladders, hang out under where they were moving big boards, run around holding onto nails, and other scary things. They got a ton of work done, and we're very thankful.

My Dad is here. He showed up last night, but we didn't know it until today. He came to take the car he owns away from my brother. I'm still praying a lot for my brother, and I think things are going to have to get worse before they get better. The girlfriend is back from PA, and neither of them are talking to *anyone*. I'm really, really, really over my head. And I see that parents are hurting. :( Today, my brother ignored Bonnie, and it broke her heart.

Work is stressful again. I think it's going to stay that way until after Augustine. And I keep leaving work for family reasons. Erp.

Today is better!

2006-07-06T12:20:00.000-07:00

I figured out the snangles at work.

I'm trying to become more comfortable with the idea that the garage will take longer and cost much more $ than we planned (or have), and that yes, it *is* D's fault, but since there isn't anything we can do now it's useless to be angry all the time.

B had a lot less gunk in her eyes this morning. I have her cold now (stuffy nose, sore throat, tired - but that's really okay.)

And the really big thing that is going better: My brother will come over for dinner! I will get to see him. I don't plan on "talking" to him about anything. I just want to *see* him, if that makes any sense. His gf went on a plane home this morning. I am praying and praying and praying that she can heal and find help at home, from her family and familiar doctors. Am also praying that this time gives my brother a little break, so he can rest and make out a plan about school, finances, etc.

Too much stress

2006-07-05T12:49:00.000-07:00

All I do here is whine. I guess I feel like this is a place where I can do it without really impacting other people.

1) The garage building. I was really mad at dh for not ordering trusses a month and a half ago when I begged him to do it. He kept saying "Oh, they can build them in a week. We don't need to order them yet." He waited until 1.5 weeks before we needed them, and , of course, was told that they'd take 3-4 weeks. Sooooo...he said "Well, Steve will be here, and we'll just stick frame the roof." Now there's huge pressure to get the rafters up before Steve leaves, because no one working on the project has ever stick-framed anything before! Steve leaves 6 am Monday. Today was supposed to be collar-tie day, BUT the wood company sent over bad wood - wood that had been rejected from another job. So, waiting for new wood means no collar ties today. Means the roof gets pushed farther and farther back. I would like for Duncan's parents to not have to do the garage for 8-10 hours day everyday while they are here, but that is what is happening. No lake, no canoe, no 4th of July celebration (well, a potluck last night, but nothing else), no just goof-off time. It's all garage-garage-garage.

He just called me up with "Because we can't do the roof, we're working on flashing. But L came back with aluminum flashing instead of white. (the house is white). Can we use that instead? Do you think we could paint it?" I said "How would *I* know if you could paint it? Are you asking if I like the idea of aluminum flashing? NO! I don't. Am I still mad about the roof issues? YES, I am."

2) Speaking of garage-garage-garage, I was tired when they got here. My brother's problems are overwhelming. And work is hectic. After 4 days of garage + kiddo watching, I'm really tired. I tried to ask Duncan for a job to do the other day, when B was sleeping (because I'm not a carpenter! I really don't know how to do much!), and, do you know what he said to me? "Well, L (his mom) doesn't have a job assigned to her but she finds things to do just fine."

I'm tired of feeling like I always have to be working, because *they're* always working. Tired of feeling like I don't measure up, even though there is so much more going on right now than they are really aware of.

3) Did I say my brother's life is overwhelming. It is. I'm very concerned for him, and spending lots of time in prayer.

4) B has had a cold for the last week. And now she's got puffy, goopy eyes. Dr visit, coming up, I think. :(

What a weird summer

2006-06-29T14:19:00.001-07:00

I can't remember ever feeling this busy/frantic without getting anything DONE.

But there are lots of good things. This is our first year subscribing to a CSA, and today is our first veggie pick-up. House is clean, thanks to a combination of appraiser coming over tonight and D's parents in town tomorrow.

B's doing great. I remember how worried I was about her speech, and its really been amazingly fun to watch her vocabulary and usage grow. I can actually have small conversations with her while we're driving/riding in the car! They go like this:

Me: Did you have a good day at daycare today?
Bonnie: Yeaaaaaah
Me: Did you play in the sandbox?
Bonnie: Sand!
Truck! Messy.
Me: You played with trucks in the sandbox and got messy?
Bonnie: Yeah!

6 months ago I worried that she still wouldn't have any words, and here she is, slowly putting them together.

Dh's parents are coming to visit for 10 days. They arrive tomorrow. I don't know how it happens, but I get so impatient and frustrated around them. They're planning on helping us build the garage, which I really do appreciate. And I want them to enjoy seeing their son and their grandchild. I really do. Praying for a cheerful spirit.

This garage thing

2006-06-23T15:40:00.000-07:00

Is proving to be a much bigger project than I had thought it would be. Dunc's been doing a huge amount of work on it, and I think that perhaps I've not been as appreciative of that as I should be. I resolve to do better.

But, I think things are going to work out. We found a lender that we can work with, our friend will start painting siding next week, and hopefully this was the hardest part of the project. Good thing I still remember all the paint color names for everything in our house. The house is Inspiration Blue!

B's been really sweet recently. I'm not sure how I'll manage when I'm gone for a week. It felt strange yesterday, when I didn't go see her at lunch! When I picked her up in the afternoon, I felt like I'd missed so much of her day - that I didn't know what she'd done, or how she'd felt. As much as I complain about the lost lunch hour, yesterday made me realize that it is important to me, not just important to her.

I'm so happy its Monday!

2006-06-19T12:04:00.000-07:00

This weekend was soooo much work! It was good, really, but it's nice to be back in my peaceful office, working at my own pace for awhile.

Saturday morning, we thought we had things pretty much under control for Bonnie's birthday party that afternoon. We were expecting 10-12 toddlers with their families, and had the house clean (because it'd been raining really hard - an outside party didn't seem feasible), lots of the food made or just ready to go in the oven...all was on track.

Then we decided that we should move some boxes from our loft to the basement, to make more room for people to hang out in during the party. Dunc went downstairs with boxes. He didn't come back up. After about 10 minutes, he yelled "There's a problem with the basement!" All that rain, combined with the dirtwork for our garage-in-progess, had let water in our basement. Only a few inches, and only in the middle part of our basement, but....still! Oh, and a couple inches of mud on the floor in our mechanical room. Luckily, nothing got ruined - just dirty.

My brother and his girlfriend came over, and they helped out a lot - we got the basement cleaned up (well, kinda), the food finished, the living room picked up - everything ready.

And then, the party went great! We went outside, then it looked like rain again (dark clouds, wind picked up, lightning...) and went inside after all. Good thing everything was clean and ready! The toddlers loved the noisemakers that roll out when you blow them, and enjoyed the put-flowers-in-a-flowerpot activity. Total time ~3 hours. At first, I thought we'd have too much food - but it was almost all gone by the end of the party, so that worked out fine, too.

B's been pretty happy about this birthday business. She learned to say "birthday!" and "party!" And was really having fun saying people's names at the party, which is a new thing for her.

Sunday we went back to our old church, because Henry invited us to his house afterwards. Henry's house is lovely, but that church *really* isn't for us anymore. The median age is probably over 60.

Sunday night Pamyua gave a free concert, and we had a great time.

Is it Friday yet?

2006-06-15T10:36:00.000-07:00

Since I've been having a little pity party for myself recently, I'll list the bad things first:

1) Hubby is off to Antarctica in January. Despite us thinking for the last two months that he wasn't going. So I started using up my leave stockpile (I was going to take B to spend time with gparents while Dunc was in penguin-land), and now that plan is not very viable. He's only going to be gone for ~5 weeks. I can't imagine 12 months. How do military wives do it?!?

2) B hasn't been sleeping well at night. She wakes up saying that her teeth hurt. These last four molars are taking ages to come in, and causing all of us much pain and lost sleep.

3) I've been worrying and praying for a few family members. Long story. But they keep me up at night, too.

4) The news is back from the class study at work. No promotion for me.

Now, the good news:

A) I got a raise. But I was feeling so sad about Antarctica and other things that it didn't sink in until last night. I've been praying and praying about our garage-building, and feeling uneasy about it financially. And then God drops nearly all of what our monthly payment will be, right into my lap when we need it. Amazing!

B) Garage-building has started! We've got a big hole in our front yard, and they hit undisturbed loess, which means we don't have to pay tons of $$ for gravel and fill dirt and a big retaining wall. Hooray!

And in the mixed-feelings pile:

1A) We're having a birthday party for B on Saturday. She'll be two. It's going to be huuuuge! Nearly everyone we invited says they plan on coming. I was worrying about cleaning house - now I'm just worrying about making enough food, having enough chairs (nope, not possible) and wondering if everyone can even fit on our lawn. I also have to acquire more party favors. 12 party whistles and 13 toddlers isn't a good equation!

1B) I'm going to Augustine this August. I get to do field geology! Whoa! But I'll be away from B for a week. Wow. That feels like a long time to be away from her. I worry about losing her trust. But I'm excited to go. I have a lot of work to do to get ready. Lots of equipment to gather, code to write, people to talk to....

Oh, sweet sleep success!

2006-06-02T21:19:00.000-07:00

I did it! I got Bonnie to fall asleep in my arms instead of riding in the car! Whoo-hoo! :) Happy dance, happy dance.

And she patted my face ever so sweetly, as she was drifting off.

She's so cute!

2006-06-02T11:38:00.000-07:00

Living with a toddler can be really great, sometimes.

Last night, it was time for her to go to sleep, and we could tell that she was honestly very tired. So, we did the whole going-to-bed routine, and while I was rocking her she sat up and said "BED!" We knew, from previous experience, that while she often asks for bed, it rarely means she wants to *sleep* in bed. But, what can you do? So, Dunc took her to her bed, and stayed with her.

A few minutes later, all I can hear is Bonnie screaming.
She wants out of bed. I ask her if she wants to lie in Mommy and Daddy's bed, and she says "aaaah." (She used to say "hess" for yes, and now all we hear is some strange "yeah" approximation.)

So I lie next to her in my bed, and she lies down next to me, snuggles her face up close, and accidentally bonks her head on mine. She thinks this is great, and does it again and again, saying "Bonk!" each time. She throws her arms around me and starts giggling. I say "Close your eyes, Bonnie, go to sleep" for the zillionth time and start pretending that I am asleep. She sits up and starts rubbing and patting my back, very gently, the way I put her down for naps. Then she lies down again, kisses my cheek, and snuggles very close.

Of course, this lasted for about 10 seconds. Then she was up, trying to get off the bed and go play some more.

I'm still tired!

2006-05-31T20:08:00.000-07:00

Last week, daycare was closed for three days, and then it was Memorial Day. So dear hubby (dh), B, and I had lots of time together. We went camping (see Dunc's blog:
http://lightlifehere.blogspot.com for more information on that), and then went back to work on Tuesday.

Monday I was sooooo tired, and Tuesday wasn't much better. Today is pretty good! This is the only time in my life that I turn 31 on the 31st! I got some pretty neat presents, too. Best birthday presents in a long while. :)

We went out for a sushi dinner, and Bonnie decided that she didn't really want to eat anything. I spent quite a while agonizing over this - any person who knew her would have thought she'd have consumed all of the teriyaki chicken, or the miso soup, or the rice! Anyway, as we were leaving the restaurant, dh says to me, "Well, you know what they ate at daycare today! Pigs in a blanket!" Okay. I get it now! She probably ate enough pigs in a blanket for any three toddlers.

I could use some of this

2006-05-19T13:50:00.000-07:00

I am soooo tired. Basically, no sleep last night because I felt sick and because toddler-girl was awake.

Is anyone feeling like being my fairy godmother? If so, I could sure use some of this:
kshocolat. I haven't got the foggiest clue how to pronounce this name, but I've tasted the chocolate, and it was goooood. Unfortunately, I can't really get more. :( I could drive 6 hours each way to Anchorage, and buy more from New Sagaya, or I could order it from the East Coast for 2x as much as it costs in Anchorage, even....

Happy blogging

2006-05-18T17:00:00.000-07:00

Well, I've been pretty busy being the voice of my (almost) two-year-old daughter. But sometimes I'd like to creep out from around the corners.